Rainy Daze
by Koncept Quincy
Summary: Komaeda used to love the rain but now it'll only ever bring him misery.
I used to love the rain. I'm not the type to break down and start to ponder about all the bad things when it rains. Yet, I still get upset when I see the forecast on TV. I don't want to be reminded.

Before, it seemed to wash away all my bad thoughts. If I happened to get caught out in the rain, that was fine. I'd become more focused on getting to some place warm and dry and so I would forget about bad things. I think that power is rather astounding.

I used to think that rain made such a calming sound. It didn't matter if it was the patter of a light shower or the thundering of a torrential storm. I loved it. The tapping of water against the roof always reminded me just how small I am. That there are things besides my luck that are beyond human control, and that's okay. Those kind of humbling thoughts used to comfort me, in the days before I met Hinata. The days when I was alone.

On the rare occasion it was a storm, it warmed me to know that I was safe, warm and dry inside. The cold, wet and miserable outside seemed to be a world far away from our own. The poor weather also gave me a prime excuse to while away the day with my boyfriend. Hinata was the only one who never minded watching a movie with me.

Though we had different ideals, he was able to look past the differences and became my first friend. And later, my boyfriend. Anyway, we'd sit under a pile of blankets, a cup of hot chocolate in hand, and watch the corniest thing we could find. The grey clouds outside that darkened the sky seemed to make the room brighter and cozy. Those were some of the most relaxing times of my life and I can think of nothing better.

Though, with all that said; it wasn't uncommon for me to wander outside and get soaked to the bone. I used to do this for just one reason. I thought it made my hair look almost normal. Usually my hair sticks up in all directions and generally looks like a mess. But when it's soaked, it magically flattens and I look a little less crazy. It still looks like a wet mop, but I feel better about that than the usual chaos that my hair creates. It's not like I actually care about what my hair looks like. I have no reason to. It's just that sometimes it's nice to have it under control and looking a little smarter.

If I was lucky, Hinata would dry me off and warm me up again, usually accompanied by a lecture on how going out in the rain is bad idea. Or that I'll catch a cold or something, knowing me and my luck.

I guess you could say the same sort of things about snow. How it looks to graceful and magical as it falls, how you feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you get in from it and so on. But the thing with snow is that it's a seasonal thing. It feels good because you know Christmas is on the way and It's all part of the Holiday. It doesn't matter that snow has the same danger potential as rain.

Unfortunately, Rain can be found at any and all times of the year and so can be experienced all the time. So for me, it just gives a frequent reminder of that horrible day. A reminder that can't be stopped by the fabric of an umbrella or the shield of a coat.

That day, it was cold and bleak. The sun refused to be seen through the clouds and the air was all too cold. Typical. Just my luck that we couldn't of had a nice day.

I was stood there, fully dressed in black. Black suit, trousers, tie and shoes. The only exception to this was the white button-up shirt I was wearing. A bleak outfit to go with an equally bleak day. I would've worn something more suiting to the weather if it hadn't been for the fact I was attending a funeral.

Hinata's funeral.

If I remember rightly, it was raining when Hinata had said he was going to have the operation. I didn't really notice it at the time. I was more than worried that I might lose him as a friend and boyfriend. It was a scary and confusing time for me. I understood how Hinata must've felt when I told him about my illnesses. After all, it isn't everyday that someone decides to undergo brain surgery to gain talent. To become the towering success of the school he loved so much. Hinata couldn't tell me much, and the school wasn't about to tell me anything, with how hushed up the whole 'project' was. I got the feeling that Hinata had broken a few rules just to tell me what was happening.

But I'm not sure what would've been worse, Hinata suddenly disappearing, or the unanswered questions would've he left me. What if this new person didn't like me? What if Hinata and I never spoke again? Would Hinata even remember me? There were so many questions, rain wasn't on my mind.

The thought of Hinata not making it through the operation was something else that wasn't on my mind. I thought the one thing I could be certain of was that the surgeons at Hope's Peak would ensure his survival. After all, these were the best in their field in whole of Japan, maybe even in the world. Hinata would be absolutely fine, it was just what happened after the surgery I had to worry about. But how wrong I was.

One false move and Hinata was gone. Hinata and everything I ever knew of him. And there was nothing I could do about it. Yet the rain continued. The world carried on without him as it would any other day. I was back to being alone.

As the final shovel fulls of dirt were being placed down, a few spots of rain started to fall. Umbrellas opened, and so did the heavens. What started as a light shower turned into a downpour. The ceremony ended quickly, and people started to leave for the reception. I didn't feel I'd be welcome, but at the same time it'd be odd for his boyfriend not to go. So I stood awkwardly for a moment, listening to the sound of the rain. Thinking how the rain would continue without me around, too.

I should have seen it coming. I should have known my luck wouldn't allow us to be together for long. I should have protected Hinata, made him stay away from me. But I got caught up in our friendship, our romance. I allowed this to happen. All because I was too selfish. Because I wanted to hold on to the only friend I'd ever had. It was stupid of me.

So now, whenever it rains, I think of my mistake. I think about the loss of Hinata. I won't be making the same mistake ever again. I'm not meant to have friends, let alone boyfriends, not with my luck. So for the safety of everyone around me, I'm not going to. And the rain? It serves as a constant reminder of a lesson I can never forget.


End file.
